Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Giving it up

I love to Google.  It's probably one of my most used things on the internet.  I Google anything I'm curious about, anything I don't know, anything I heard someone talk about that I wanted to find more information about.  And I'm pretty good at it.  In fact, I once found an article that someone was talking about faster than a professional fact checker did.  I think he was a little miffed.  Anyway, I really enjoy having so much information at my fingertips.  I am a Google fan.

Recently, though, I've discovered that there are some things that I've been Googling that I have to stop my obsession with.  I've been Googling about my health.  Taking any small annoyance of my aging body and putting it together in different combinations with whatever else is annoying me at the moment and trying to find out what is going on with my body.

The other day, as I was driving to class, I was struck by how little control I admit to God in regards to these petty annoyances.  I think that I'm something broken that needs and can be fixed by finding out solutions from Google and then applying them until I find the right combination of things and viola! I'm saved from myself.  Seeing it written like that draws me into the seduction more so than pushing me into the truth.  Because the truth is Google can't save me.  My doctors with all their knowledge and expertise can't save me either.  There is only one who can save me and he's already done that on the cross over 2000 years ago.  So even though I've been saved since long before I was born, I still feel the need to apply myself and to save myself through techniques and diets and exercise regimes that I discover on the internet.  Maybe this is the key to making me whole!  But it's not.  I'm never going to be whole here on this earth and that is what I really have to come to terms with.

God did not save me so that I could spend hour after hour over numerous days Googling how to stop this body from decay and life.  He saved me for glory, His glory, not my own, not Google's, not even my doctors'. I am here for his Glory, not to worry about whether or not I'm eating the right combination of food or whether or not I'm as healthy as I will ever be. He placed me here to discipline myself so that I may know him more and may shine with his Glory.  And with that revelation, it's become clear to me that I have to give up googling my signs and symptoms in the hopes of saving myself, because the truth is it's like putting a Barbie band-aid on top of healed scar.

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