Tuesday, January 2, 2018

When Willpower Fails



I posted this picture on Facebook this morning. I was reminded today that I quit smoking over 16 years ago. I do dream about it on occasion and talk with friends about it, too. But I have yet to go walk into the drug store or gas station and buy myself a pack or even bum one off of a friend since I quit.

I wish that I had that same willpower towards Facebook. I posted that image up there because I have not been able to break my habit. This past winter I've found myself in a vicious cycle of checking in circles. Meaning I'd check Facebook, go check my email, maybe Instagram and then go back to Facebook and start the whole thing again. I was not good for my mental fortitude. To sit there and recognize your addiction and not be able to do anything about it. I decided to do something about it. I'm not sure if it will work because honestly, I have created a lot of spaces of responsibility on Facebook, some of which I don't share with anyone else. So if I don't do it, it doesn't get done.

I created another account, with just those responsibilities associated with them. No friends, no groups, no pages, no news feed, nothing but those responsibilities. And now I will need to tell myself that they are only available on my computer during specific work hours. If they really are work then they should be able to be contained within work hours and not need constant supervision!

All of that is just an attempt to create a failsafe where my willpower has failed miserably. I prayed about this. I asked for direction, guidance, a clue even and got not much in return other than a feeling that I already knew the answer. Sometimes, life is like that. We want God to come down and give us some kind of miraculous event that will change our hearts, minds, and actions. But we already know what to do and it looks like hard work and potential discomfort. I think that's a lot of the reason that I haven't done this before. I knew that I needed to reduce the pull of Facebook, but I kept telling myself that I HAD to be there because I was viewing it as a ministry. Which though that was part of my purpose there, no ministry should take up that much time within a day.

So I'm here, telling you why I'm not there personally. I really do hope that it can be different for me. I don't have much hope left in myself, but fortunately, the God I serve has plenty for both of us.

2 comments:

  1. Ah, now I get it! I think it’s a wonderful decision. Facebook and the rest of social media created a huge amount of stress and takes so much time away from real life.
    Also, now that I’ve read this blog post, I cannot picture you smoking. I quit smoking when I was 24, picked it back up around 2008ish, and quit again. It’s really stinky and gross.

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    1. I smoked in college and some in graduate school. Stopped when Joel and I got married. I would either smoke Marlboro menthols, Marlboro Reds, Winston's, or my favorite we're Nat Sherman Hint of Mints. It really is stinky, gross, and expensive. I love Facebook, I just don't love how much time I spent every day checking it. A few days in and I'm trying to rationalize going back which just so happens to remind me that I've got an unhealthy relationship with it.

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