I have been noodling this idea lately that the thing that you fear your life becoming, we often create. Whether it be through inappropriate actions, inaction, or what ever. We pick something that we saw happen to someone or even to ourselves and we make a vow to never let that happen, but then we don't put in any new coping mechanisms or game plans to deal with things that can lead us down that path. And there we are, right where we didn't want to be. Or if you're lucky, right on the ledge of where you don't want to be with just one false move between you and that abyss you know the end of and the demons waiting there.
The thing is, now that I can see that ending and see those behaviors happening and how they lead me where I do not want to go, what do I do? This is not something new, in fact Romans 7:15 says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." So this is obviously not going to be an easy problem to solve. But maybe it is something easy, because verse 25 says "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
Jesus is the one that can change that fear controlling my actions, making me do things that lead me to paths I have walked before and to places I don't want to be. But how exactly does Jesus do this? That is a grand mystery. But I know that I have a responsibility, because even as I pray in the Lord's prayer asking God to keep me from temptation, I have to flee when it arrives or I will be drawn into it.
The thing that I have learned most of all, is that it is more important to say no to not just the actions I don't want, but to the entire thought of the thing I fear or I will carry it around with me and finger it through out the day like a lucky rabbit's foot. It brings me no luck and empty promises. What do I do to rid myself of this comfort that only brings tears? I turn to God and to his Bible and the words that he speaks to me. I surround myself with them like a comforting blanket keeping out all the fearful thoughts. I start to live out those words, walk in their way, leaving no room to spend time with that thing I fear. I unstuff its space by filling it with what is good and pure and holy. Only then does the fear get cast out of me and I can live into that thing I desire.