Skip to main content

Hard to remember

I have to tell you, I've been thinking back about my time with depression and it's been really difficult to figure out the time line.  I know that certain events occurred, but inside me it feels like they all happened at a much different rate.  That's something that I never really knew about depression before I experienced it.  Your mind doesn't just work differently in regards how you function with the world, but it also changes the way that it remembers things. 
The worst part for me is that I know that I used to be able to pull the information from my brain with greater ease.  Now I actually have to work at pulling some things out of the depths of my mind.  You might think that is not much, just the signs of aging.  But for someone that used to identify themselves by how smart they are, that's a huge blow. 
But it did lead to one of my great discovers during depression.  I am much greater than what I think I am.  Even if everything I know to be true about myself were to be removed from me, I am still loved by God and he has great plans for me.  But that took a long time for me to realize.
I do remember one day sitting there realizing that I may never again be able to serve as I once did, I might never be who I once knew myself to be.  And that I might suffer from the pain of depression for the rest of my life.  And then the question came to me.  Will you serve me as you are?  I realized that even though I was no longer who I had been I still had the opportunity to serve God in the state that I was in.  God was not requiring me to be who I had been, he was requiring me to allow myself to be used regardless. 
It is probably the single greatest lesson that I learned during my depression.

Popular posts from this blog

Stories from the Kitchen: Taste and See

I celebrated my birthday last weekend. It was wonderful and the leftovers left me with a question or two. Find out what they are and how I'm currently answering them in this week's podcast.

Stories from the Kitchen Season 2, Episode 2: Taste and See






Notes from the episode:

Taste and See by Margaret Feinberg

Dad’s New York Cheesecake (from the back of a Philidelphia Cream Cheese package)
1 ⅞ cups graham cracker crumbs ¼ to ½ cup butter, melted 1 cup sugar, divided 2 lbs cream cheese (4 packs) 2 large eggs (lightly beaten) 1 tsp vanilla 2 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup sour cream
Preheat oven to 450F
Mix well graham crackers, 2 tbsp sugar, and enough butter that the mixture holds together. Reserve 2 tbsp for garnish. Press mixture onto bottom and sides of a greased 9-inch springform pan. Chill in the freezer while preparing the filling.
Mix cream cheese and sugar until smooth and light. Beat in eggs, vanilla, and cornstarch until just blended. Stir in sour cream. Pour mixture into crust and bake for…

James Week 10 James 5: 13-20

We finish up our study on James with some encouraging words about prayer and standing in the gap.




Study Questions Week 10


When you don't feel like yourself, what is generally your first response? Do you start with prayer, rest, food, lashing out at others? When you encounter others that are not acting like themselves what is your initial thought? How do you think your relationships would be different if you began those interactions with prayers? Prayers for understanding for yourself and peace for the other person?When you are happy, do you ever try to keep it to yourself because you don't want to celebrate while others around you are struggling? Can focusing our happiness towards God with praise and worship change how we view sharing those moments? God is the source of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). How can this verse help shape your worship and praise? Take some time this week to praise God for some good gifts, which are present even if you are in the midst of a s…

Thankful Thursday

Hard to believe that it's Thursday already, but it is! Wow! I'm thankful for a whole bunch of things this week, so many that if I would list them all, I'd be here for the rest of the day and into tomorrow. Heck I'd be lucky to be done by the end of the decade.

I'm thankful for my husband! He's a real trooper. Love how he not only cares for so many people through the church, but that he cares for our family. Seems like he's always got just a little bit more time to do what needs to be done, which is pretty amazing considering that he's only got the same 24 hours that I have.

I'm thankful for my little girl. I enjoyed the time away when she was at camp last week, but we've been having fun this week hanging out together. She's pretty amazing in lots of hard to explain ways, I guess she's mysterious in her lovliness. I hope that others are as impressed with it as I am.

I'm thankful for family near and far. I'm looking forward to spe…