Skip to main content

Day 19 of 40

Sometimes, I think I should invest in another journal. Writing can be a very releasing/relaxing thing. And as much as I love sharing here, there is a limit within blogging. I don't get to share specifics about people and situations. Honestly, as vulnerable as I can be, there's still the issue of I'm only able to expose as much as I'm willing to deal with. There's a sense I get sometimes that if I were to expose everything in my heart here, in a public forum, people who believe they have a voice in my life would become upset and try to make me feel guilty for doing so. Maybe that's just fear. But I think there's also some conscience going on in the midst of that. I've found that people rarely notice when you're sharing a secret that is meant to evoke honesty if within that is information about themselves. 
For instance, if one shares an emotion, say sadness and has it attached with a name, instead of hearing "I'm sad" they only hear "You're a problem." Does that mean I should just walk around and say  "I'm sad" and not explain the why? I don't know. But that leads into other issues, because even if you tell someone you're sad, there's no risk in that. It's equivalent to saying you're hot. Just information. But when you add the because behind "I'm sad" it exposes your inner workings. It shows that this is the way my mind and heart work. Because "I'm sad because I didn't get to eat the last cookie" is very different from "I'm sad because I'm not accepted for who I am." And sometimes my becauses are really specific and pointed and real. And as much as real is what I desire most, my desire can't overcome others hatred, fear, and negativity. So I'm thinking I should get a journal, then it will allow me to increase that desire for realness to the point that it can overcome others desire for me to be fake, hollow, and standard.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Four Cups by Chris Hodges

Four Cups by Chris Hodges is a brief book based on the four cups associated with the Seder Meal. Within the Seder meal, four promises of God are celebrated. Hodges goes through the four promises and challenges the reader to live them out.

Those four promises are:
1. God will free you from oppression.
2.God will free you from slavery.
3. God will redeem you.
4. God claims you and wants to celebrate that.

My favorite was the last promise. I think that it's very rare that we get together with other Christians to celebrate the fact that we belong to God. We have plenty of parties, but often those are to mark events or the passing of time, but not often do we celebrate the fact that we get to hang out with the Holy Spirit.

Each chapter is short enough that it could be read aloud by a group and then followed with a simple prayer. It would make a nice book study for a group. Hodges also recommends using the four cups to help grow your faith community. And by growth, he means people movin…

Lent aka Spring Training

If you've been paying attention, you'll have noticed that there's less and less of me on social media. I started small with changing my password on my Facebook account so that I couldn't check it. And that quickly escalated to a downloading of my account and deletion. Like, never getting it back, it's gone, if you want one, you'll have to start over deletion. And then I just switched my time to checking my Instagram, which used to be in check until Facebook went away. And then lent started and I put all of my Instagram accounts on temporary disable. And they're probably going to stay that way until I get beyond the point of turning to my phone to see if it has anything for me in terms of entertainment and validation. Hopefully, that will be take about 40 days, give or take a few Sundays.

So, I'm hoping to use this lent period to get myself all prepped for what can be in my life. I really want to serve God with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body…

When Through Deep Waters by Rachelle Dekker

When Through Deep Waters is Rachelle Dekker's fourth book, the first three a dystopian trilogy. I was excited to see what other stories she had for us. Fortunately, this one does not disappoint.

Alicen has suffered a tragic loss and is trying to find her way through the grief. She lands in the family vacation home of her childhood friend. The idyllic location reminds her of all the hope she had for her life as a child and forces her to deal with many different disappointments in her life including the life and death of her beloved grandmother.

Here's what I love about the book, one, it's an old-school Frank Peretti style spiritual warfare book in that Alicen is an ordinary person that is struggling with spiritual forces. Two, it's a fiction book that made me want to get out my journal and explore some thoughts that bubbled up about myself! Third, God wins in the end and it doesn't look like the normal everyone desires. Fourth, straight up scripture usage that does…