Skip to main content

Parenting Beyond the Rules by Connie Albers





Have you ever noticed that there are a ton of parenting books for infants and very few for teenagers? I've always found that a little odd, even more so as I became a parent of a teen because the truth is that it is so much more difficult to navigate the teen relationship than it is the infant one. I'm so thankful that Connie Albers took the time and energy to create this book, Parenting Beyond the Rules.

She does a great job of encouraging and directing parents of teens with this book. Since she's navigated that territory before, it's almost like sitting down with a friend that has been there done that. She encourages and challenges. The overarching theme of this work is to listen and to remember that in just a few short years, these young people that share a roof with us will be on their own and making decisions for themselves. If we just make all the decisions for them through the use and implementation of rules, how does that benefit them in the long run? I should say that Albers does not call for the end of all rules, we encounter those in every aspect of life, from uniforms for work to speed limits. She is saying that if we want to win our children's hearts for Jesus then we need to be very aware of how we interact with them. Becoming a warden that is out to make sure they're punished for every misdeed does not foster a loving relationship.

Albers does an excellent job of walking through how to become a trusted confidant. She covers many areas in the life of a teen and how to counsel and direct your children without having to make very strict rules that address behavior without ever addressing their heart. And I think that is what is at the core of this book, we spend so many years when our children are younger directing their behavior and the teen years are when we have to trust that they've learned how to behave and to keep a close eye on their heart. There are so many different people and agendas that are vying for a piece of our teens, it's important that we give them a safe place to express themselves and discover who they truly are. We can go from people that take care of their needs to ones that are a safe harbor in the midst of life's storms. And becoming a harbor can create a relationship that will not only persist but thrive into adulthood for our children. 

Throughout the book, I would bring up some ideas expressed to my daughter, to get her opinion. At one point she asked if I was reading this book because I thought I was a bad parent. My response was no, it's so that I can be the best parent for her. And that's what this book does, it's not meant to fix a broken parent though I may very well be able to. It's not meant to fix a broken relationship with your kids, though it could do that as well. I believe that this book is to make sure that you stay the course in regards to raising your children. It's meant to remind you in the times in which it's easy to get caught up in behavioral issues, preference exploration, and so many physical, mental, spiritual changes that you can do it! You can continue to be their parent and work towards letting them live a life that they are proud of and that you're proud of as well. You can do it! You can raise your child and let them go. You can trust in the work that's already been done in those years leading up to the teens and know that when they discover their freedom, they will use it for good.


I received a copy of this book from NavPres through Netgalley for the purpose  of review. I'm never required to give a good review but always thankful when I can. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Stories from the Kitchen: Taste and See

I celebrated my birthday last weekend. It was wonderful and the leftovers left me with a question or two. Find out what they are and how I'm currently answering them in this week's podcast. Stories from the Kitchen Season 2, Episode 2: Taste and See Notes from the episode: Taste and See by Margaret Feinberg Dad’s New York Cheesecake (from the back of a Philidelphia Cream Cheese package) 1 ⅞ cups graham cracker crumbs ¼ to ½ cup butter, melted 1 cup sugar, divided 2 lbs cream cheese (4 packs) 2 large eggs (lightly beaten) 1 tsp vanilla 2 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup sour cream Preheat oven to 450F Mix well graham crackers, 2 tbsp sugar, and enough butter that the mixture holds together. Reserve 2 tbsp for garnish. Press mixture onto bottom and sides of a greased 9-inch springform pan. Chill in the freezer while preparing the filling. Mix cream cheese and sugar until smooth and light. Beat in eggs, vanilla, and cornstarch until just blended. S

James Week 10 James 5: 13-20

We finish up our study on James with some encouraging words about prayer and standing in the gap. Study Questions Week 10 When you don't feel like yourself, what is generally your first response? Do you start with prayer, rest, food, lashing out at others?  When you encounter others that are not acting like themselves what is your initial thought? How do you think your relationships would be different if you began those interactions with prayers? Prayers for understanding for yourself and peace for the other person? When you are happy, do you ever try to keep it to yourself because you don't want to celebrate while others around you are struggling? Can focusing our happiness towards God with praise and worship change how we view sharing those moments?  God is the source of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). How can this verse help shape your worship and praise?  Take some time this week to praise God for some good gifts, which are present even

Project 52: Shiver me dufuses

This date I pulled out a puzzle that I had bought for Joel years ago.  I put up a little camp table , and even devised a system to keep the pieces in place with some fabric, so we could roll it up and stow it.  I was all ready to go and then the reality of the puzzle set in and I realised, I don't like puzzles.  I was already frustrated and worn out by the darn thing and we were only a mere few minutes into working on it!  Instead of getting upset, we changed plans. The puzzle was abandoned and Joel went out for a shamrock shake from McD's and two cherry pies.  We played some MadLibs .  The one we bought for Hannah today was Pirate themed and the story that was the funniest included a peg elbow and a pet pencil sitting on your shoulder saying "Shiver me dufuses!" We even had a joke book that we'd picked up for Hannah and read a couple of terrible jokes to one another while shuffling cards for cribbage. A fun night full of laughter and green shakes.  Well, I&#