Skip to main content

Pizza Tears

In the very beginning of Full, Asheritah (yes I know that we're not friends but this is what I'm going to call the author because life is like that sometimes) shares a story about eating leftover cake followed by a 30 day fast that lead to an awakening of the control that food has over her. She says that most folks who struggle with food fixation have one of those stories. I thought that I'd share mine.




My first official diet was between eighth and ninth grade. My mom took me to Weight Watchers and I remember one of the women there telling me that she wished that WW had been around when she was my age. I lost weight, I could wear smaller clothes that were in abundance in all the stores. It was life-changing. So what that I had to eat a certain number of eggs every week, take carrots and dry tuna pita pockets for lunch most every day. Worth it. But the truth was that it started a fantasy, one that I still struggle with. The fantasy that if I could just control the food, I could control the weight, I could control my emotions, I could be happy all the time. That doesn't actually happen in real life. We aren't happy all the time, who would want to be around that kind of person anyway?

Fast forward a couple of years, I'm a young adult, newly married, and WW points are the latest thing. Now here was something that added my love of controlling food and controlling numbers. I was hooked. I would calculate every point that passed my lips and would not stray from the numbers. There were no cheat days, I saw my life stretching out before me with every food I ever at owning a numerical value. Bliss! Until that one night that we had pizza. I had budgeted enough to have a slice, maybe two. I was still hungry and I wanted another one. I remember sitting on the sofa crying because I wanted more pizza but didn't have any more points! I went to bed but in the process, I woke up to the reality of the grip that food had over me. 

It took me a few more years to actually find some freedom. I went through an online Bible study that someone off an internet chat group recommended. It was life-changing but in a good way. I finally got that freedom that I had wanted all along. It wasn't just happiness, it was an ability to serve God first and foremost. 

Here's the thing that I've learned since then. It's not one and done for me. I found freedom but I have to continue to seek it each and every day. I fall back into old habits, I lift up ways of eating or not eating as it may be. I seek to control food as a way to control my entire life. But I keep tumbling back into this one unmoveable truth, I'm not in control of my life. I have control over my actions sometimes I even question that but I've learned that I can't stop the pain, sorrow, deep joy, heartbreak. Not with food or exercise or mind-numbing activities, none of it. And I think that's why I am so excited to read this book and I want other people to read it with me. There's freedom out there to be had and it's not necessarily going to be the freedom from the desire to control food. It is going to be the freedom to choose God in each and every moment of the day.

As we start this journey through the book Full, I want to hear your story. I want to know what moment comes to mind when you think about your relationship with food. Share in the comments, send me a message, give me a call. I want to know. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hospitality for the Rest of Us: Long Distance

People are moving more and more. When I was a youngster, it was a rare instance for a friend to move away. Now it's me that moves away. We've moved a lot, especially when we first got married. It was something like five addresses and three states in the first four years of our marriage. We've slowed down a bit. In the midst of all that moving, we've made some friends along the way. I try to keep an open line in case of times of grief and celebration. One of the best tools I've found for keeping in touch with loved ones far away is Facebook. As much time as I could spend doing other things instead of checking it, it's the best thing I've found. It allows me to communicate with others, without having to call. I know calling is amazing, hearing people's voices, but for introverts, there are no body language clues for us to pick up on that help make our conversations easier. It's also why we prefer to video chat :-) Back to Facebook, some etiquette.
Post a Comment
Read more

Stories from the Kitchen: Taste and See

I celebrated my birthday last weekend. It was wonderful and the leftovers left me with a question or two. Find out what they are and how I'm currently answering them in this week's podcast. Stories from the Kitchen Season 2, Episode 2: Taste and See Notes from the episode: Taste and See by Margaret Feinberg Dad’s New York Cheesecake (from the back of a Philidelphia Cream Cheese package) 1 ⅞ cups graham cracker crumbs ¼ to ½ cup butter, melted 1 cup sugar, divided 2 lbs cream cheese (4 packs) 2 large eggs (lightly beaten) 1 tsp vanilla 2 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup sour cream Preheat oven to 450F Mix well graham crackers, 2 tbsp sugar, and enough butter that the mixture holds together. Reserve 2 tbsp for garnish. Press mixture onto bottom and sides of a greased 9-inch springform pan. Chill in the freezer while preparing the filling. Mix cream cheese and sugar until smooth and light. Beat in eggs, vanilla, and cornstarch until just blended. S
Post a Comment
Read more

Threadbare Knees

I feel sure that you've heard the saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  Well, recently I picked up a pair of wool cashmere blend slacks from Salvation Army and upon further inspection at home, the knees were threadbare, practically holes.  Easy enough to miss, when your knees don't fall in the same spot as the previous owner.  They were inexpensive, so it wasn't a big monetary loss, but I felt like it would be a shame to toss such nice fabric and so I searched the internet to see what I could do.  I found this cute little purse pattern, for free!   You can go check it out by clicking here . It is a great little pattern and I was able to make the entire purse in one rainy day!  Here are some pictures of my threadbare knees purse. Don't you just love those little pleats? And there's even a little pocket inside.  I'm so impressed with myself! Time to fill it up with my keys and such non-sense! And remember, when life gives you th
2 comments
Read more