Sometimes, I get trapped by numbers. It's not the best feeling and part of my brain says "Self, you must be looking at this wrong." But then I fall into doing more and more calculations in hopes that my math skills are what's askew, as opposed to my outlook.
This year appears to be the one that God has decided to address me about this. Late last year, I stopped weighing myself. I've talked about me and the scale before. But I felt a really strong call within me from God to let it go for a year. To just not step on and find out. A year where my emotions have to find another source. This Lent, God has been putting me in places where I'm having to address some of that desire to get emotions from numbers. Mainly I've been trying to work myself up over my personal finances. And when I say personal finances, the only things that I pay for are fuel and luxuries. Seriously, I've been freaking out (internally) over a luxury budget! And there are people in this world, lots of people that spend in an entire year to survive what I receive in monthly luxuries.
I think one of my problems is that I'm a saver. I LOVE to save money! I love having funds just sitting in the bank. And I love plans! I love setting aside a specific amount and just letting it grow. I think my problem is that I'm rigid. I will put that money in savings regardless of the situations that are actually occurring. So I'll stick five dollars in a fund for camp, even though today that five dollars could afford me a fun afternoon with my daughter.
I'm saving for a maybe and I may very well be missing out on the only opportunity I may have to enjoy the people I'm saving for! Saving in itself isn't bad, we save up for large purchases all the time. But if I save at the expense of living today, that's no good. That's not saving, that's robbing. And I can see that my love of numbers can turn me into a robber. So today, I'm going to be a giver instead. We'll see how that goes.
"If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need."
Ephesians 4:28 New Living Translation