Homesick for Not Yet

Do you ever try new things and think that you're going to love them but then, it turns out that it actually wasn't what you were looking for? It always seems to happen when I have too much cash on hand and I can afford to spend a little to see if something new will help scratch the itch.

I think about that itch every now and then, that one that says life is good, but there's something missing. As I've got older it seems to be hitting more and more often. It's historically been called a midlife crisis but recently I remembered its true name, homesickness.

As Ambassadors for Christ, we live in this world, but it's not our home. It's not where we belong, it's a place where we get to represent our King and try our best to represent our homeland well. But sometimes we start to think that we can make this place a little more like our homeland if we just had a little more or that special someone or if I could change the way that I look or even feel.

Those things don't actually change our reality, we are far from home and we will always struggle with homesickness to some degree. Sometimes it's worse than others. Those days when we search the internet looking for connection, creativity, and community? For me, those are some of the loneliest days of all. I'm searching for something that can't be found on Instagram or Twitter, it can only be found by connecting to God, letting the Holy Spirit create in me, in deepening my relationship with Jesus. It's not ever going to out there in the world, that stuff that meets my homesickness and lets me know that my home is still waiting for me.

One of the problems is that the world can make us forget about our real home. It can fill us up with meaningless connections, keep us busy creating things that don't last, and surround us with people that aren't invested in our souls. And we don't notice it when we're swinging from one thing to the next, we figure out ways to dampen that homesickness and pretend that all is okay. But it also means that we miss out on things, things that matter.

When we don't rush away from that homesick feeling but instead lean in, God is there. There are love letters scattered throughout our lives reminding us that we'll be home soon, the pain is very real but it's temporary and fleeting. Today has promises hiding within its minutes and hours but if we're just looking for the next big thing in our lives, if we greedily reach for the things that numb our pain then we miss out on the amazing relationship that God has extended to us here and now.

I guess I should say that I'm not saying that it's okay to wallow in grief and heart break though sometimes it's really all we can do. What I am trying to say is that if we truly want answers for our restless hearts then we have to find rest from the Prince of Peace.