Skip to main content

Small and Slow

On Instagram today, Jennifer Dukes Lee asked a series of questions. One was to share about a time when “smaller and slower” brought true growth. I thought I’d share my answer here.

Smaller and slower is how I would describe our desire for children. When we were first married, my husband and I both wanted a large family with lots of kids which by default would have had more activity. We had our first, our daughter Hannah, when we were still in our twenties. We decided almost immediately to start trying for more (within months of her birth). 

We didn’t get pregnant again for ten years. That unexpected pregnancy ended in miscarriage a few days after we found out about it, we got pregnant again within a cycle or two only to have another miscarriage at the beginning of our second trimester. It’s been five years this February since our third and what appears to be final pregnancy. 

All of that small and slow family time has taught me so much about God. In that longing and foolish bargaining I almost missed out on what we were blessed with. But accepting the small family that we were given has provided so much for us that we didn’t even know that we needed. We didn’t need large and fast. We needed small and slow in order to have the time and space to draw near to God.  

I love our small family. It’s exactly what I needed as a mom. It’s exactly what I needed to be a good wife to my husband. It has allowed me to be a good daughter when my mom has gone through cancer treatment. It’s helped me be a better member of our church. Our small family has helped me become the best version of myself. It reminds me that gifts from God are often small and not obvious if we’re moving too fast. 

In the book Captivating the author shared a story about wanting to experience something her husband had. He had gone to the beach and asked God to show Himself and huge pod of whales showed up and played around. She sat out on the beach and waited, no whales. When she finally got upset and started to walk home, she rounded the corner to be met with a shore full of starfish. I was thinking about this story during a family vacation when Hannah was not quite two and we were still actively hopeful for more children. I was at the beach and asked God to show Himself. I looked to the ocean and there was nothing, I looked to the shore and there was nothing. Upset and returning back I picked up a handful of sand that I let run through my fingers when there, amidst the sand stuck to my hand was a perfectly formed seashell the size of a grain of sand. God reminded me that he’s in the small stuff and true to his word, he’s always met me in the midst of the small ordinary work that has made up my life. 

I would say that small and slow has not been easy. It’s been heartbreaking in so many ways. But those broken places have all been touched by God. Even now, with 15+ years of infertility, I struggle with that desire I had as a young woman. Even with seeing how good it has been for us to be small, there’s still pain. There’s still growth, even if it wasn’t the way I expected it to look or feel.


Popular posts from this blog

Hospitality for the Rest of Us: Long Distance

People are moving more and more. When I was a youngster, it was a rare instance for a friend to move away. Now it's me that moves away. We've moved a lot, especially when we first got married. It was something like five addresses and three states in the first four years of our marriage. We've slowed down a bit. In the midst of all that moving, we've made some friends along the way. I try to keep an open line in case of times of grief and celebration. One of the best tools I've found for keeping in touch with loved ones far away is Facebook. As much time as I could spend doing other things instead of checking it, it's the best thing I've found. It allows me to communicate with others, without having to call. I know calling is amazing, hearing people's voices, but for introverts, there are no body language clues for us to pick up on that help make our conversations easier. It's also why we prefer to video chat :-) Back to Facebook, some etiquette.

Stories from the Kitchen: Taste and See

I celebrated my birthday last weekend. It was wonderful and the leftovers left me with a question or two. Find out what they are and how I'm currently answering them in this week's podcast. Stories from the Kitchen Season 2, Episode 2: Taste and See Notes from the episode: Taste and See by Margaret Feinberg Dad’s New York Cheesecake (from the back of a Philidelphia Cream Cheese package) 1 ⅞ cups graham cracker crumbs ¼ to ½ cup butter, melted 1 cup sugar, divided 2 lbs cream cheese (4 packs) 2 large eggs (lightly beaten) 1 tsp vanilla 2 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup sour cream Preheat oven to 450F Mix well graham crackers, 2 tbsp sugar, and enough butter that the mixture holds together. Reserve 2 tbsp for garnish. Press mixture onto bottom and sides of a greased 9-inch springform pan. Chill in the freezer while preparing the filling. Mix cream cheese and sugar until smooth and light. Beat in eggs, vanilla, and cornstarch until just blended. S

Threadbare Knees

I feel sure that you've heard the saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  Well, recently I picked up a pair of wool cashmere blend slacks from Salvation Army and upon further inspection at home, the knees were threadbare, practically holes.  Easy enough to miss, when your knees don't fall in the same spot as the previous owner.  They were inexpensive, so it wasn't a big monetary loss, but I felt like it would be a shame to toss such nice fabric and so I searched the internet to see what I could do.  I found this cute little purse pattern, for free!   You can go check it out by clicking here . It is a great little pattern and I was able to make the entire purse in one rainy day!  Here are some pictures of my threadbare knees purse. Don't you just love those little pleats? And there's even a little pocket inside.  I'm so impressed with myself! Time to fill it up with my keys and such non-sense! And remember, when life gives you th